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KATHRYN HUTSON: Happy Father’s Day, dads

  • June 21, 2011 at 6:24 pm

It’s Father’s Day, and for our family this Father’s Day is a tough one. this will be our first Father’s Day without my One & Only’s father. Dad Hutson died last February, one week after his 98th birthday.Dad had dementia. At first, it was a short-term memory issue. Although he remembered the past vividly, he couldn’t remember what he’d had for lunch. After his wife’s death, he had a hard time remembering anything or anyone — and that included members of his family.and that was tough going for all of us. we had his physical presence, but the Jack we knew had left us. I remember my O&O coming home from a visit to the home where Dad spent his last years. With tears in his eyes, he said, “the father I knew is dead.” that was the point at which the man I love began the long, slow mourning process.Then, the inevitable occurred: Dad’s physical body gave out. and the sweet, smiling old man we loved crossed the barrier between life and death and went to spend eternity with his Lord and the woman he loved.you would have thought that his passing would have been easier because we had what Nancy Reagan described as “the long goodbye.” Dad didn’t know us. He didn’t remember us. while he enjoyed the company of others for a few minutes, it didn’t matter if that company was family or perfect strangers.but long goodbyes, as anyone who has ever experienced them knows, are no easier on those left behind than sudden passings. Yes, the opportunities to express love, to give thanks, and even to forgive and make peace are there during long goodbyes. but the loving, the missing, the regretting, and the memories remain no matter the method of leave-taking.and so we mourn. and in our mourning we remember. my O&O remembers the father he grew up with, the father he shared a profession with, the father he made proud. the grandkids remember a grandpa who took them on boat rides and made them laugh. and I remember the man who welcomed me into his family 43 years ago, despite my dumping an entire pot of scalding hot coffee onto his lap at a Big Boy restaurant the weekend my O&O brought me home to meet his parents.Yes, Father’s Days are for remembering, and not a Father’s Day passes that I don’t remember my dad who died over a decade ago. I remember a father who bought corsages for my mother, my sister and me to wear to church on Easter Sunday. I remember heart-shaped candy boxes on Valentine’s Day. I remember his walking me down the aisle. I remember his walking our crying sons until they quieted. He had a knack for that. I remember his long, long stories. the ones we had heard many times before.I remember my dad every time I look at the pictures of Texas Bluebonnets that hang in our house. One is a small photo. the other is a painting that was done by a woman who lived in his retirement community. He brought it all the way from Texas to give it to me. It is a mediocre painting at best, and it cost me a fortune to have it framed. It hangs among the really good paintings that we’ve accumulated over the years. and of the art work we own, it is a piece that means the most to me. It was a gift of love, and one of the last gifts he gave me.and so on this Father’s Day, I remember fathers who are gone, but I also give thanks for the fathers that surround me. my One & only, who is a role model — except for changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night — to our sons on what a father should be. to our firstborn son who as the father of two sons is an incredible father. He does change diapers and get up in the middle of the night.on this Father’s Day, we remember and we give thanks for fathers and their incredibly important roles in our lives.Kathryn Hutson is a Troy resident and freelance writer. her column appears in the Daily Tribune every Sunday. and to those of you who have asked, no baby bluejays yet — at least that she can see. 

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KATHRYN HUTSON: Happy Father’s Day, dads

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