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Stealing kids

  • September 21, 2011 at 1:30 am

“while waiting at the checkout of a large chain store, I watched a young boy, 5ish, take candy and sneak it into his pocket. he hid it in such a way that told me he knew what he was doing was wrong. my first reaction was to say something … like you don’t mean to steal that or some such thing. But for some reason I didn’t. I thought I might speak alone to the Dad after but I was afraid he might get mad at me … or what if he beat the child?! Or maybe I should tell the cashier? I never said anything to anyone and it didn’t feel right.” Fran S. via Facebook

I stole some candy when I was a bit older than Lil’ Sticky Fingers above. my naughty friend Kristine and I were at Shaw’s and she stole this butterfly that would dimly glow after you held it under a light for about an hour. (It either would glow or melt, depending on your resolve.) then she gave me this, “your turn” look. Me? Steal? it was much more exciting when she was the one who could end up in Juvie. I knew it was wrong, but when weighed against having her think I was a scaredy puss it didn’t seem SO bad. what should I take? Being the day after Christmas, there was a Valentine display up, so I grabbed a huge bag of cinnamon hearts and shoved them down my pink ballet tights (the color of true innocence). it was like Depends made out of a maraca. Since we had swiped our booty about four feet from the Customer Service desk, we were quickly apprehended. we got yelled at by the assistant manager (who in retrospect was probably 19) but the whole time I was a wreck that some unsuspecting Valentine came up with the slightly-melty candy that had been down my now-tainted tights.

Have you ever seen a kid steal? what did you do?

Officer T., a policeman in the Bridgton area, offers advice from the law enforcement perspective: “a young child does not know the outcome of their actions. If one were to see [stealing] they should either approach the store manager or the parent. Never the child. Understanding this is wrong should start at home.”

What if it was a teenager, swiping some clothes or video game?

“a teenager should have begun to understand that they are to be held accountable for their actions,” says Officer T. “the actions they take do have an appropriate consequence. the result of this action is a juvenile summons for theft with a juvenile court date. a lot of times a judge will give the juvenile community service.”

We laugh when we find Sister’s missing Halloween candy in the dollhouse. we laugh a bit less when Mom’s Chanel lipstick is found smooshed beyond recognition under the pillow. and hardly at all when Dad’s BlackBerry is in the potty. When do we teach that taking OPP is bad?

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, a child around the age of four does “understand that taking something which belongs to another person is wrong.” however, “it is normal for a very young child to take something which excites his or her interest.”

Don’t tell your child that they are a thief or throw their name out anytime something goes missing. certainly if stealing becomes a habit, professional intervention is a must.

Older kids steal for various reasons ranging from jealously of a sibling who gets more gifts or affection; to seem brave to peers; to give a gift they can’t afford; a fear of dependency or just because they are punks. If you catch your kiddo with stolen property, ponder if they are doing it for attention.

“in these cases, the child may be expressing anger or trying to ‘get even’ with his or her parents; the stolen object may become a substitute for love or affection. the parents should make an effort to give more recognition to the child as an important family member,” says the AACAP chapter, “Children Who Steal.”

Like most teachable moments, they start with the parent.

“Parents should actively teach their children about property rights and the consideration of others. If you come home with stationary or pens from the office or brag about a mistake at the supermarket checkout counter, your lessons about honesty will be a lot harder for your child to understand.”

Most parents use the return-in-tears ritual. D.G., mom of three boys, says, “I have marched my kids right back into the place they took it from and made them hand it back to someone who worked there. the embarrassment of having to go back in and apologize is usually enough to make it stop after one try.”

Some parents kick it up to the Jail fear Factor. “When Z was 3, her Daddy went away on a deployment. When he returned, typical behaviors you’d expect from such upheaval began. one of the things she did was started taking things out of our room, things that did not belong to her,” says K.I. “So, he told her about jail. he especially hit home the fact that she wouldn’t get to see Mommy and Daddy anymore except during visiting hours and how there’d be no more snacking and no more treats. we haven’t had an issue since.”

Kids: It’s OK if you steal our hearts, just leave our wallets (and lipsticks) alone.

(Maggie Knowles is a columnist for the Portland Daily Sun. Her column appears Wednesdays. Her blog is at http://sexynaptime.blogspot.com.)

Stealing kids

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Valentine’s Day Craft

  • February 26, 2011 at 8:54 am

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    • May 2, 2010 at 6:39 pm

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