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Dear Molly: Ohio Born Michigan Maniac Needs Advice

  • September 19, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Published: Sunday, September 18, 2011

Updated: Sunday, September 18, 2011 21:09

I am a proud Ohioan who went to Ohio State, and although I spent the last few years working in new York, I still consider Ohio home.  I came to Michigan because of Ross, set on never liking the football team.  but after the Notre Dame game, I now bleed Maize and Blue.  Pretty sure my family will disown me when I tell them. what do I do?

Dear Michigan Maniac,

does your family know you attend Michigan? If not, you should probably fill them in on your current whereabouts.  especially if you listed them as an Emergency contact, as not telling them in that case is just poor form.

You could fearfully send an email, a telegram or a carrier pigeon advising them that you have moved to the mitten, but it will be better just to rip the band aid off, call them and get the apparently inevitable verbal backlash over in real time.  but as this is not an etiquette column, I digress.

If the beer at The Bus is not enough, you will be drunk on Michigan just by breathing in its intoxicating energy on game days.  one cannot help but get excited living in Ann Arbor on football Saturdays, so it is not really your fault you have come over from the dark side.  it is virtually impossible to not become a fan, no matter what your upbringing, while cheering with your closest 114,802 friends during a last second game winning touchdown.

Do not be so hard on yourself.  Your family may not speak to you for a while, but you probably are so busy prepping for your Strategy class that you don’t have time to talk to them anyway.

a few things to note about your new life:

1)      You are now only allowed to wear red a few days a year: Valentine’s Day, July 4th and if applicable, Christmas.  choose these outfits carefully, as you will have a long time to wait till the next approved day.

2)      No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to shoot claws out of your hands like Wolverine from X-Men.  Also, if you have a few drinks at the Brown Jug, flex your arms and ball your fists in an attempt to get aforementioned claws to shoot out, people will awkwardly stare at you.

3)      Just as you religiously read Rossip Girl and hit up Skeeps on Thursdays, you should immediately start learning Michigan football stats.  For example, Michigan has appeared in and won more Rose Bowls than that school in Columbus.  That in and of itself should help you feel more confident about your recent, great life choice.

If for some reason you ever second guess your decision, remember that if the mascots ever throw down, you’ll be glad your money (and pride) is not resting on a Buckeye beating a Wolverine.

have a question for Dear Molly? Send an email to RossDearMolly@gmail.com

Dear Molly: Ohio Born Michigan Maniac Needs Advice

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